The Sandwich Generation in Mumbai: Caring for Ageing Parents While Raising Children

This may not be an unusual day in the life of many in Mumbai, raising their children, managing their careers, running their households and increasingly, looking after their parents. The burden of caring for two generations has a name: the sandwich generation.

While balancing the responsibilities of career and children is hard enough, a little planning and shared support can help look after parents without neglecting their children.
 

Recognise Why Caring for Two Generations Is So Hard

Caring for children and ageing parents comes with many different challenges. While caring for their children, parents may have to help with schoolwork and activities, and older parents may need assistance in seeing doctors or getting around.

Long commutes, busy careers, and the stresses of living in Mumbai may add to this burden.

However, research conducted into sandwich-generation caregivers in India has explored the impact of this burden on emotional wellbeing, and family relationships. One such study, conducted in Mumbai, focused on the experiences of couples who had to manage both generations, and the impact on their relationships. Read the study about sandwich-generation caregiving in India.

Knowing that this burden is a challenge is the first step to managing it. You are not alone, and it does not mean you are failing your family; it may mean you have too much on your plate.
 

2. Know What Help Your Parents May Need

Before rearranging your entire schedule, work out what your parents can and cannot manage for themselves.

While some parents may have limited physical or mental capabilities and have a lot of support needs, some may be quite capable and just enjoy the help and company.

Talk to your parents about what help they may need, what they are capable of, and what support they prefer to get. Some parents may not want to be infantilised or babied, despite their needs, and will prefer to manage certain aspects of their lives on their own.

Write down all responsibilities, including appointments, errands, mobility needs, and any responsibilities that require someone to be present. This will help you determine which responsibilities you need to take on, which your parents can manage themselves, and which they may prefer to manage independently.

The aim is to help your parents as much as possible, without removing independence if they are able to manage on their own.
 

3. Share Responsibilities, Rather Than Take Them All On

In many cases, a caregiver can take on many responsibilities, such as coordinating doctors' appointments, paying bills, arranging transport, communicating with other family members and more. While this can help greatly, it can often burn out the caregiver, as they must take on so many extra duties at once.

If you have any siblings or other family members who are willing to help, share responsibilities so everyone can manage something they are capable of. One may be able to coordinate appointments, another may be able to manage bill payments, and perhaps someone who is closer by can visit more often or be present for any appointments that require someone to attend. Family members who are in another city or state can still support by staying in touch and communicating regularly, making payments online, making appointments online, and more.

Rather than make promises to help without specifying what you can do, make responsibilities clear so everyone knows what to do. Perhaps a shared family calendar can keep everyone up to date with important appointments.
 

4. Arrange for Practical Support on a Daily Basis

While emergencies and medical crises can be worrying, the reality is that the day-to-day can be just as challenging.

Who can accompany your parents to the clinic if you are at work? Who can assist them if they have difficulty walking to the local shop? Who can help them with an outing?

Depending on your parents' needs, a companion or mobility assistant may offer support with day-to-day errands and trips to places like the clinic, the park or the shopping centre.

MobiCrew offers mobility and companion-care services for people who need practical support getting around. For families who are managing an existing career or children, arranging for a mobility assistant or companion to support your parent's journey can free up your time to spend with your children or assist with other responsibilities.

Explore the options on MobiCrew's services page.

Remember that mobility assistance and companionship are not substitutes for professional nursing support. If your parent has specific clinical needs, speak to their doctor about the appropriate level of support.
 

5. Make Time for Your Children and Your Own Responsibilities

While parents may feel they need to dedicate every spare moment to helping their parents, children still require care and attention, and your own health and wellbeing should be a priority.

Try to set limits on how much time you spend helping out, and dedicate time to your children and to your own needs. Schedule calls and visits to your parents, and schedule important appointments so you can set aside the time to be there. Set aside time for your children without constantly checking your phone or looking at your messages, unless you are really concerned. It is important to dedicate your full attention to your children as much as you can, the same way you would want them to dedicate their attention to you.

It is also important to look out for signs of caregiver strain, including tiredness, frustration, insomnia, irritability or feeling guilty about taking time out for yourself. Asking for help is not a failure; it is a way of helping yourself avoid burnout.
 

6. Prepare an Emergency Care Plan

A clear emergency plan can help you manage an emergency with your parents without causing a crisis in your own life.

Make sure you know your parents' doctor and any nearby family members and neighbours you can trust. Ensure your parents know who to contact and who they can rely on for help. If you have a companion or caregiver looking after your parents, make sure they also know how to contact anyone in an emergency. Make sure there is a contingency if the caregiver is unavailable or cannot be contacted.

Update any emergency care plans as your parents' needs evolve. India's National Programme for Health Care of the Elderly includes home healthcare support where required, along with other levels of healthcare support as needed. Read the overview of the National Programme for Health Care of the Elderly in India.
 

Conclusion

Being part of the sandwich generation can be a challenge, but it should not have to define you or your ability to be present for the people you love. You cannot control other people's actions, and it is unrealistic to expect to take on all responsibilities yourself. Understanding your parents' needs, sharing responsibilities, and planning ahead can help lighten the load. With the right support, you can make room for your parents, your children, your career and your own wellbeing.